It's an honor to be a guest writer at the internationally known Poison Spur. I hope to bring this blog to new heights of sophistication and glamor as I dish out the insiders' Hollywood scoop. We'll prove that money is the root of all evil (not really, if you've got the money, I've got the roots). I'd like to thank all six of you for reading this. A special "hello" to Dave's mom. I'm sure you were proud of the "Pug Room". Seriously, were you a strict disciplinarian? Did you put his hair in ringlets? I have a son, I'm a little curious, no biggy. Dave's a nice boy, just save the story in case this job doesn't work out and he needs to go on disability.
I'm SO anxious for the loathsome Phil Spector to be found guilty. He sits there in court with his Peter Tork wig, 8 attorneys, eyes half shut, occasionally licking his lips. Hit the lizard with a stick. The victim, Lana Clarkson was a great big horse. If she were a pony girl, she'd be a draft horse. This 40 year old Clydesdale with fat knees and thick ankles whined to anybody that would listen about her acting career being on the skids. So, she takes a $9.00 an hour hostessing job at the House of Blues. $9.00! No tips! Have some dignity, strap on a dildo and be a pro domme. But no. So, she proceeds to seat Phil Spector at the VIP room, never ever hearing of him, and kept calling him MRS. Spector all night. An hour later, the 6 foot tall gold digger finds all 5'4" of Spector attractive enough to go home with him. Nobody deserves to get shot in the mouth. I'm just saying.
What if he GETS OFF?!! I'll slash my face with razor blades. O.J., Jacko, Robert Blake. They all skated. Who am I forgetting? Oh! Captain Kirk. He comes home and "finds his wife floating in the pool." It that's not murder, what is? They didn't even investigate. Beam me up, Scottie.
I should address the harsh and vicious treatment these darling Hollywood starlets are getting for partying a little bit. Brittany, Lindsay, Paris, Lionel Ritchie's daughter who looks white. These poor girls are under a cruel microscope. They weigh 90lbs, their tolerance is ZILCH, what should we expect? The cops were all over Lindsay Lohan's butt for driving the wrong way down the expressway. Who hasn't done that? I drove across the Ambassador Bridge to Canada on the wrong side of the road, all these cars honking and swerving; we were peeing our pants laughing. But I didn't have the paparrazzi after me. And poor, poor bald-head Brittany, in trouble for giving her kids Doritos and soda. Kids are atrocious brats. If she cooked them a chicken dinner, they'd cry and shove it away. Why shouldn't she toss handfuls of Doritos on the ground? I wish them all well.
Don't miss a day of the Poison Spur. You want to be able to say you read it "back in the day", besides Dave may be writing from a clock tower with a sniper rifle by his side soon, you never know. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, or the cash equivalent!
The Ointment in Hollywood's Fly,
meat
I'm SO anxious for the loathsome Phil Spector to be found guilty. He sits there in court with his Peter Tork wig, 8 attorneys, eyes half shut, occasionally licking his lips. Hit the lizard with a stick. The victim, Lana Clarkson was a great big horse. If she were a pony girl, she'd be a draft horse. This 40 year old Clydesdale with fat knees and thick ankles whined to anybody that would listen about her acting career being on the skids. So, she takes a $9.00 an hour hostessing job at the House of Blues. $9.00! No tips! Have some dignity, strap on a dildo and be a pro domme. But no. So, she proceeds to seat Phil Spector at the VIP room, never ever hearing of him, and kept calling him MRS. Spector all night. An hour later, the 6 foot tall gold digger finds all 5'4" of Spector attractive enough to go home with him. Nobody deserves to get shot in the mouth. I'm just saying.
What if he GETS OFF?!! I'll slash my face with razor blades. O.J., Jacko, Robert Blake. They all skated. Who am I forgetting? Oh! Captain Kirk. He comes home and "finds his wife floating in the pool." It that's not murder, what is? They didn't even investigate. Beam me up, Scottie.
I should address the harsh and vicious treatment these darling Hollywood starlets are getting for partying a little bit. Brittany, Lindsay, Paris, Lionel Ritchie's daughter who looks white. These poor girls are under a cruel microscope. They weigh 90lbs, their tolerance is ZILCH, what should we expect? The cops were all over Lindsay Lohan's butt for driving the wrong way down the expressway. Who hasn't done that? I drove across the Ambassador Bridge to Canada on the wrong side of the road, all these cars honking and swerving; we were peeing our pants laughing. But I didn't have the paparrazzi after me. And poor, poor bald-head Brittany, in trouble for giving her kids Doritos and soda. Kids are atrocious brats. If she cooked them a chicken dinner, they'd cry and shove it away. Why shouldn't she toss handfuls of Doritos on the ground? I wish them all well.
Don't miss a day of the Poison Spur. You want to be able to say you read it "back in the day", besides Dave may be writing from a clock tower with a sniper rifle by his side soon, you never know. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, or the cash equivalent!
The Ointment in Hollywood's Fly,
meat
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