I entered the world at 2:17 in the morning of that day. The doctor held the slime-covered newborn me by the feet and gave my ass a resounding slap. I screamed bloody murder.
At the time, I could have done without the reminder that it was time to start breathing. I would have been perfectly content to let the doctor wait until I stopped gurgling and twitching then hook shot me into the stillborn bin. What did I have to live for? I was too young to drink and the bars were closed at that hour anyway.
Forty-six years on, my appreciation for life has improved. With a little effort and a lot of luck, I've managed to carve out a decent existence for myself. I have food, shelter, and friends, plus enough of a sense of humor to carry me through when things don't go my way.
Thanks for the slap, Doc.
At the time, I could have done without the reminder that it was time to start breathing. I would have been perfectly content to let the doctor wait until I stopped gurgling and twitching then hook shot me into the stillborn bin. What did I have to live for? I was too young to drink and the bars were closed at that hour anyway.
Forty-six years on, my appreciation for life has improved. With a little effort and a lot of luck, I've managed to carve out a decent existence for myself. I have food, shelter, and friends, plus enough of a sense of humor to carry me through when things don't go my way.
Thanks for the slap, Doc.
I was there for this. Even at age 2 I knew the little shit was cutting in on my action.
So I vowed to make growing up as the younger brother a living hell.
How'd I do?
Happy birthday to you, I hope you fling poo, water'll be my toast to you, happy birthday to you!
Happy afterbirthday to you (somehow belated birthday didn't seem quite appropriate for you).